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aro_gant_aro) wrote2020-03-02 10:45 am
aro_gant_aro) wrote2020-03-02 10:45 am
Entry tags:
Variation & Unity
This piece was written for the Carnival of Aros topic: Variation vs. Unity.
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There’s a lot of talk at the moment about aroallos doing such and such. It all seems so benign I’m not going to fill in all the blanks. Mostly, there’s been lots of statements about aroallos making their own communities, but I’ve yet to see these countless safe spaces. I’m starting to wonder if there are more complaints about this action than actual instances of this action being made. If you agree that it’s important for people to have a space where they can be themselves with others like them, then what is your complaint?
It would appear that the complaint is: “Well I’m like you - Where are you going? And why won’t you let me come?”
Variation and unity. I like these words a lot, they’re both about togetherness.
I can’t say much about togetherness in regards to this topic. All the complaints I’m hearing from both sides are secondhand. I’ll reiterate: I cannot find these fabled aroallo communities. The single one I’ve heard of on Discord sounds fucking awful and I don’t really understand why it’s been used when the person in charge has repeatedly behaved in the strangest and inappropraite ways. Are we that desperate? The aroallos I do interact with aren’t a part of any greater aroallo community and are asking the same thing. Directions please?
A space, multiple spaces, is needed. When it comes to how aroallos vary from aros who are ace or aro alone, there’s a lot to be said. And where would be a great place to have that conversation? Say it with me lmao: in an aroallo space. We have a right to discuss ourselves with ourselves, first, before sharing you know. You could argue there’s secrecy and division in that, but you’d be missing the point. It’s about aroallos, not anyone else. Maybe remove yourself from this one equation if it bothers you.
It is interesting believing you’re the same as someone else and then finding out you aren’t.
I had thought for a while there that I was just like every other queer person, I just didn’t feel romantic attraction. And I say that meaning every other queer person who isn’t ace, regardless of romantic attraction. For me, I thought as long as you have one of the two main types of attraction - romantic and sexual - that makes you the same as all the queer people who feel both at once. And then I watched Contrapoint’s video on Shame and I thought ‘oh’ and I thought ‘ouch’ and I thought ‘I’m nothing like alloro queer people’.
Do people value their romantic attraction above all else? Do their lives begin and end with it? It’s easily said, and is said so often, in the aromantic community that allos value romance above all else. But fuck, hearing Contrapoint’s talk about her innate romantic love for near an hour was so othering. Not to state the obvious, but it was so romanticised. In the most idealistic way. Usually when the ideal is talked about it is something a person is reaching for and envisioning. When Contrapoints spoke she brought herself into that idealised world. It wasn’t a window that opened before her when she realised her identity, it was a door. Which is beautiful for her. And I can’t quite put into words what or how she was saying it. All I can say is that I don’t feel the same. I don’t see an idealised future for myself, because I don’t imagine a partner.
Am I seen as less queer because I don’t fall in love? I’ve heard that thrown around for years, but I’ve never doubted it before. I’ve never doubted myself before. Is my attraction less than because it is primarily sexual?
Ah, variation, how difficult you can be.
I’m pleased this topic is at hand. A big ongoing conversation in the aromantic community is that not every type of aro is getting the same attention. And there are so many different kinds of us. It’s important to recognise that we are variations of the same. Maybe simply because, to quote arotaro: “At the end of the day, all the infighting in the world won't solve the fact that everyone else thinks we're insane.”
I do wonder how conversation in the aromantic community will change as more and more people come out and join IRL queer communities. Surely our priorities and perspectives will change. And I have to wonder where that will take us.
______________________________________
Variation & Unity
There’s a lot of talk at the moment about aroallos doing such and such. It all seems so benign I’m not going to fill in all the blanks. Mostly, there’s been lots of statements about aroallos making their own communities, but I’ve yet to see these countless safe spaces. I’m starting to wonder if there are more complaints about this action than actual instances of this action being made. If you agree that it’s important for people to have a space where they can be themselves with others like them, then what is your complaint?
It would appear that the complaint is: “Well I’m like you - Where are you going? And why won’t you let me come?”
Variation and unity. I like these words a lot, they’re both about togetherness.
I can’t say much about togetherness in regards to this topic. All the complaints I’m hearing from both sides are secondhand. I’ll reiterate: I cannot find these fabled aroallo communities. The single one I’ve heard of on Discord sounds fucking awful and I don’t really understand why it’s been used when the person in charge has repeatedly behaved in the strangest and inappropraite ways. Are we that desperate? The aroallos I do interact with aren’t a part of any greater aroallo community and are asking the same thing. Directions please?
A space, multiple spaces, is needed. When it comes to how aroallos vary from aros who are ace or aro alone, there’s a lot to be said. And where would be a great place to have that conversation? Say it with me lmao: in an aroallo space. We have a right to discuss ourselves with ourselves, first, before sharing you know. You could argue there’s secrecy and division in that, but you’d be missing the point. It’s about aroallos, not anyone else. Maybe remove yourself from this one equation if it bothers you.
It is interesting believing you’re the same as someone else and then finding out you aren’t.
I had thought for a while there that I was just like every other queer person, I just didn’t feel romantic attraction. And I say that meaning every other queer person who isn’t ace, regardless of romantic attraction. For me, I thought as long as you have one of the two main types of attraction - romantic and sexual - that makes you the same as all the queer people who feel both at once. And then I watched Contrapoint’s video on Shame and I thought ‘oh’ and I thought ‘ouch’ and I thought ‘I’m nothing like alloro queer people’.
Do people value their romantic attraction above all else? Do their lives begin and end with it? It’s easily said, and is said so often, in the aromantic community that allos value romance above all else. But fuck, hearing Contrapoint’s talk about her innate romantic love for near an hour was so othering. Not to state the obvious, but it was so romanticised. In the most idealistic way. Usually when the ideal is talked about it is something a person is reaching for and envisioning. When Contrapoints spoke she brought herself into that idealised world. It wasn’t a window that opened before her when she realised her identity, it was a door. Which is beautiful for her. And I can’t quite put into words what or how she was saying it. All I can say is that I don’t feel the same. I don’t see an idealised future for myself, because I don’t imagine a partner.
Am I seen as less queer because I don’t fall in love? I’ve heard that thrown around for years, but I’ve never doubted it before. I’ve never doubted myself before. Is my attraction less than because it is primarily sexual?
Ah, variation, how difficult you can be.
I’m pleased this topic is at hand. A big ongoing conversation in the aromantic community is that not every type of aro is getting the same attention. And there are so many different kinds of us. It’s important to recognise that we are variations of the same. Maybe simply because, to quote arotaro: “At the end of the day, all the infighting in the world won't solve the fact that everyone else thinks we're insane.”
I do wonder how conversation in the aromantic community will change as more and more people come out and join IRL queer communities. Surely our priorities and perspectives will change. And I have to wonder where that will take us.